Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. -- W.C. Fields
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they' re gone. -- Lenny Bruce
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. -- Tim Allen
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. -- Rodney Dangerfield
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls. -- Groucho Marx
At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.' -- Mark Klein
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy? -- Benny Hill
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?' -- Emo Philips
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. -- Les Dawson
A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. -- Rodney Dangerfield
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.." I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always (Always Right).
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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